Characteristics of a Muslim Husband

I recently had the opportunity to work on editing a video relating to love and marriage and I got this email from someone so I thought I'd shard with everyone. It is one of those topics that not too many people talk about, even in lectures that are about marriage. It's a good read and its good for the "to-be husbands" or those who are already husbands.
Enjoy:


No one ever thinks about the characteristics of a Muslim husband. It is always what a wife should do for the husband...and the list never ends; home management, tutoring, ferrying the kids, caring, cooking, cleaning, washing, working, you name it, she is doing it. So what about the brothers? 

Our beloved Prophet SAW was not like this. So why the men of this Ummah? It is quite interesting. So I thought I'd share it with you!!!  What a Muslim husband should be like... 
  
1. Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good. When was the last time you went shopping for the best clothing? Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that the Prophet (PBUH) would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells. 
  
2. Use the best names for your wife. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt her feelings. 
  
3. Don't treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it 'bugs' us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day - which brings no attention from the husband - until she does something to 'bug' him. Don't treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that. 
  
4. If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment! This is one of the ways the Prophet (PBUH) used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives (R.A). It's a technique that few Muslim men have mastered. 
  
5. Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when the Prophet (PBUH) would kiss his wife before leaving for Salaah, even when he was fasting. 
  
6. Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgment she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don't let that be; thank her! 
  
7. Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don't have to play a guessing game, ask her and work on repeating those times in your life. 
  
8. Don't belittle her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. The Prophet (PBUH) set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah (R.A) was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel. 
  
9. Be humorous and play games with your wife. Look at how the Prophet (PBUH) would race with his wife Aisha (R.A) in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that? 

10. Always remember the words of Allah's Messenger (PBUH): 'The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family.' Try to be the best! 
  
In conclusion: Never forget to make Dua to Allah to make your marriage successful. And Allah knows best!! 





Trailer for LoveStruck by Young Muslims:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2knlYUkJtA&feature=plcp&context=C4f35394VDvjVQa1PpcFOoUuCvpcrdnmjhAc9MR6RSuOKfLpNmBLM%3D 

Comparing the Regular Muslim to the Prophet (S)

Too often we see the comparison of the Prophet's (S) actions compared to that of the regular everyday joe of a Muslim today. Yes the Prophet is the example that we should all try to follow, but the regular Muslim cannot be expected to follow his actions in everyday affairs and emotions.

We can all agree that although the Prophets (may Allah be pleased with all of them) were regular human beings, they were truly extraordinary people. They were the best of the best at their time. They possessed some qualities that are not in all of us or if they are, they are not to the level of the Prophets. They had the ability to control themselves to the level that we cannot. Yet, our scholars ALWAYS seem to focus on the way the Prophet Muhammad (S) did things or how other Prophets did things. We forget, that even if we try, many [if not all] Muslims CANNOT be anything like the Prophets. We just cannot.

One example is about controlling anger (I just heard a khutba about this so it is fresh in my mind). The Khateeb stated that we need to control our anger and he cited 2 examples. One about how Allah controls his anger and the other about how the Prophet controlled his anger in a situation that he cited. The Prophet Muhammad, as well as other Prophets, did mericals too. That doesn't mean we can do mericals. Yes we get the point that we need to strive to be similar in His (S) character as much as we can and we need to have Him (S) as our role model, but the fact is, many of us cannot do that. The best we can relate to is the companions of the Prophet (S), who, though some of the best people to ever live in the world, were nontheless "normal" people. They had their flaws and their mistakes were corrected over time. These are the people we can relate to.

The Companions (may Allah be pleased with them all) had their issues. They burst out on certain issues. They argued amongst them selves sometimes (ex: During the first chaliphate and at the chaliphate there after). The same companions even went as far as to kill each other in battle because they thought they were right. And this is written in history, MUSLIM HISTORY, and it is thought everywhere. Yet, when our scholars go and start comparing US, regular, everyday Muslims like that of the Prophet (S), they forget that we are not anywhere near the person the Prophet was or his companions. WE ARE FLAWED HUMAN BEINGS.

Even if we follow the Quran and Sunnah to the best of our abilities, it doesn't compare to that of the Prophet (S) or his companions in their self control. We all get angry. Allah knows we all try to stay calm. But every person has his breaking point. It could be a few years, it could be a few months, or it could be a few minutes or seconds.

We have examples from the Quran and Hadith, but it doesn't mean we all have the ability to follow it even after knowing it. And even some "scholars" provoke the anger inside people unfortunately. Some "leaders" do the same. They also vent when they get angry. Besides anger, some of our "scholars" and "leaders" do far worse like backbiting and slander. And these are people in a position of authority. They also KNOW they are lying, cheating, backbiting, etc. just like any regular Muslim or human would, but they never do anything about it so how do we expect a regular Muslim, who has seen "scholars" and "leaders" do this kind of behavior and not get angry?

It is just who we are, we are humans. Yes the Hadith of the Prophet (S) is important, but the stories of the companions are also there to tell the regular Muslim that we what we can with our limited capabilities. We make mistakes, some keep making the same ones over and over again, but at the end of the day, we are nothing like the Prophet (S), no matter how hard we try. [specially with the leadership that rules our mosques and Islamic organizations]

There are other examples too, that of wives, money, battle, etc that we seem to compare the regular Muslim to to that of the Prophet (S). Yes it is important, but the lives of the Companions or other pious people are better fit for comparison to a regular Muslim today. And yes, there are things that are completely forbidden or ordered in the Quran and those are separate issues that don't need comparison, they need to be told straight forward, without watering down the topic *cough* hijab or prayer issue.